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Are Food Preservatives Poisoning Us?


(P.S. The article below doesn't even mention excitotoxins, a class of chemicals pervading most prepared food that cause brain damage. Beware of things like (autolyzed) yeast extract, hydrolyzed (vegetable) protein, and NutraSweet. Even things such as natural flavors and spices on a label can be a cover for excitotoxins. Most of these are more dangerous than the most well-known excitotoxin, MSG. Please see Russell Blaylock, M.D.'s book, Excitotoxins: The Taste That Kills, for hundreds of scientific studies demonstrating this. –Trisha)

Subject: A Must Read! Preservatives and Additives

Please share this article far and wide ...There is much truth here. Our health, and especially our natural immune system, has been altered by the synthetics that are put into foods ...INTENTIONALLY...

That's right. The scientists and food manufacturers know what they are doing. It's big business for you and me to get the cost of making Big Business wealthier. The FDA is behind it and so is the federal government. Drug companies also are responsible for all the chemicals humans ingest, and they don't care the least that it is a long-term way of killing all of us murder in the first degree!

An excerpt from below:

"We live like no other generation before us. A giant experiment of toxic ingestion. In this game, the stakes are high, it can cost your life. We may consider our way of eating as normal, but the modern diet is about as normal as a test tube of chemicals. The body's chemistry is recreated by ingesting countless food additives and environmental contaminants....

"Chemicals which have the power to produce mutations through chromosome damage are called mutagens. They cause disruptions of the genetic code that are responsible for over 15,000 inheritable, genetic disorders. Sadly, they have drastic consequences for our children and grandchildren.

"The food industry aims at making products look and taste appealing, without thought to the products' nutritional value. Loaded with chemical additives and designed to be addictive, processed food is manufactured first for profit....

"Your body has become a chemical depository. Sulfur is used to keep dried fruit fresh. Formaldehyde, which is used to retard corpse decomposition, is added to disinfect frozen vegetables. The blue shimmer on the surface of luncheon meat is the result of sodium nitrate. Sodium nitrate is commonly used in the preservation of ham, bacon, sausage and bologna to keep meat looking red when, normally, it would have decomposed into an unappealing gray. In the stomach, sodium nitrate is converted into nitrous acid, which is suspected of inciting stomach cancer. Germany and Norway have banned the use of this powerful toxin." (Note: Formaldehyde can be responsible for RA or Rheumatoid Arthritis!)

Preservatives and Additives
This is an excerpt from the book, North American Diet


This is the age of science. A fabricated custom-made reality, competing with the natural, organic world man which has lived for thousands of years.

Yet the living, human cell has been incapable of keeping up with our ever-changing times. The small print on your Twinkies reads more like rocket fuel than food for human consumption with unpronounceable test tube names labeling chemicals manufactured in the cauldrons of industry. There is no doubt that the Twinkie-drug has been a successful experiment in taste-bud delight, their bright plastic husks found in dumps all over the planet. But are there side effects? And if so, do they outweigh the benefits that Twinkies are providing for the millions who have come to depend upon their relief from the drudgery of daily living?

The human body consists of billions of microscopic living cells, composed of perfectly, balanced quantities of water and organic substances. If you have eaten the standard North American Diet for years, without serious harm to your health, it is due to your body's outstanding resistance. Yet genetic weaknesses may be hidden by youth. The cumulative effect of toxins will increase the risk of becoming a host to disease or premature death. Unfortunately, resistance to disease diminishes as the abuse continues. Disease is like heating a pot of water. When the water becomes too hot, it quickly boils over. The biochemistry of the body will absorb toxins only to a point. There is a boiling point-illness!

We live like no other generation before us. A giant experiment of toxic ingestion. In this game, the stakes are high, it can cost your life. We may consider our way of eating as normal, but the modern diet is about as normal as a test tube of chemicals. The body's chemistry is recreated by ingesting countless food additives and environmental contaminants.

The toxins in your body have been accumulating since birth and are imbedded in every cell structure and organ. But do not despair, there is an answer. Toxins disrupt the natural chemistry of your body. Remove the harmful elements in your diet, replacing them with health-filled foods, and a wonderful new metamorphosis will occur.

Chemicals which have the power to produce mutations through chromosome damage are called mutagens. They cause disruptions of the genetic code that are responsible for over 15,000 inheritable, genetic disorders. Sadly, they have drastic consequences for our children and grandchildren.

The food industry aims at making products look and taste appealing without thought to the products' nutritional value. Loaded with chemical additives and designed to be addictive, processed food is manufactured first for profit.

All great chefs will tell you that the tangy flavor of lemon juice is a must in enhancing and lifting the taste of fish. In fact, lemon juice is widely used to compliment a variety of popular dishes. But to cut cost and for the sake of convenience, manufacturers have replaced lemon juice with 2-methyl-3-(pisopropylphenyl)-propionaldehyde. An unpronounceable name to add to the estimated three thousand chemical additives which we consume.

Your body has become a chemical depository. Sulfur is used to keep dried fruit fresh. Formaldehyde, which is used to retard corpse decomposition, is added to disinfect frozen vegetables. The blue shimmer on the surface of luncheon meat is the result of sodium nitrate. Sodium nitrate is commonly used in the preservation of ham, bacon, sausage and bologna to keep meat looking red when, normally, it would have decomposed into an unappealing gray. In the stomach, sodium nitrate is converted into nitrous acid, which is suspected of inciting stomach cancer. Germany and Norway have banned the use of this powerful toxin.

Feed for raising chickens contains arsenic to stimulate growth, increase egg-production and give the chicken a yellowed skin. Aluminum compounds are added to baking powder, aspirin, antacids, beer, table salt, and antiperspirants. It also leaches into our food and water through cookware, soft drink cans, and aluminum foil. It has been discovered in high concentrations in the brain of Alzheimer's patients and is suspected of contributing to or even inciting this most hideous disease.

Potatoes may seem untouched by chemicals, but because of their bad habit of sprouting, they are coated with the chemical inhibitor, maleic hydrazide, which has resulted in cancer in laboratory animals.

Ice cream producers use propylene glycol, the same substance in antifreeze and paint remover. Carboxymethylcellulose is a stabilizer, used in ice cream, salad dressing, cheese spreads, and chocolate milk. It has produced tumors in 80% of rats injected. Yet the FDA flatly denies it as a carcinogen, for the reason that when it was given to the rats orally, it didn't cause cancer.

For 50 years, producers have added brominated oils to bottled fruit juice to maintain a look of freshness-even after 6 months of storage. Unfortunately, brominated oils have side effects. They produce changes in heart tissue, enlargement of the thyroid, kidney damage, decrease in liver metabolism and withered testicles. Canada, Holland, and Germany have banned brominated oils in the production of bottled drinks, yet they can still be imported from other countries.

New food additives are believed to be met with stringent testing. But due to unreliable testing methods, lack of qualified technicians, expensive analysis equipment, budget cuts and government lobbying by food conglomerates, additives that are marginally carcinogenic, mutagenic, or teratogenic stay in use.

The fetus cannot deal with foreign chemicals. Whatever toxic substances the mother eats flow largely unimpeded into the fetus. Unlike an adult, the fetus lacks protective, detoxifying systems. Teratogens are toxins which harm fetal development. Certain food additives are considered mildly teratogenic.

What toxicology testing cannot accurately predict is the long-term combined effect of 3,000 additives and environmental toxins on children, the elderly, newborn, the fetus, and people with cancer. The combined effect of these toxins on humans is unknown.

The processed food industry loads fat, sugar and salt into their products because they are cheap. They use chemicals to change these cheap, raw materials into brightly-colored, tasty products with a long shelf life. Food producers buy the cheapest raw materials, manufacture the product as quickly as possible, then sell it for the highest price. Good business sense, but, what is lost in the manufacturing is quality.

Before cyclamate was banned, it was used to sweeten drinks such as Cool-Aid which contained 28.5% of this substance. It was discovered that 30% of humans converted as much as 40% of the cyclamates ingested into Cyclohexylamine which produces chromosome damage in animals, a high rate of still-born young, and birth defects. It was then banned. Lipton donated its artificially sweetened product to mental hospitals and prisons in Ohio, where it was accepted without question. It seems as if food companies will do just about anything to enhance the taste and textures of their products. The aim is to increase the pleasure of eating so as to maximize brand loyalty and thus profits, even if it means
compromising nutritional value.


Prion Proteins in Your Food! (1.5 Megs)


The Truth About Cosmetics!!!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Estrogen in moisturizers may worsen breast cancer
I have referred more than once to the preeminent work of Judi Vance and her 1990s book, "Beauty to Die For". This work began the trail of others that has slowly come forward to report on the very same concerns - there are toxic chemicals in health and beauty products (HABA).

Now the information is coming from the medical establishment.

Even so-called 'natural brands' sold in health stores contain some of these questionable ingredients. And again I encourage you to read labels. Even if the FDA approved a single ingredient they do not test or approve mixtures of ingredients, and this is one place where problems start.

The UV blocking, sun screen type products are also a risk, as most contain endocrine disrupting chemicals.

It is never too late, but perhaps consider all the damage that might have been prevented had people listened to what Judi had to say over 10 years ago.

Another concern is that most of the mass market products act more like a barrier. This continues your purchasing cycle rather than provide you with a product that truly acts to heal dry skin.

The products I have used for a long time now are the result of over twenty years of research and development to achieve real results. If you are looking for organic products I highly recommend Kettle Care.
Breast cancer patients who apply moisturizers may be dosing themselves with estrogen...
By Jill Stein, Reuters - December 15, 2008

SAN ANTONIO (Reuters Health) - Breast cancer patients who apply moisturizers may be dosing themselves with estrogen without even knowing it, investigators reported at a breast cancer symposium in San Antonio.

Dr. Adrienne Olson, with Breastlink in Hawthorne, California, and colleagues analyzed 16 widely available moisturizers for estrogen-like compounds.

None of the creams analyzed noted any estrogen content in their list of ingredients. Even so, six samples contained estriol or estrone.

Olson, who is a seven-year breast cancer survivor, explained that estrogens applied to the skin are more efficiently absorbed into the body than estrogens taken orally.

She urged women with breast cancer that is driven by estrogen (that is, estrogen-receptor positive breast cancer) to avoid externally applied estrogen to minimize the risk of a recurrence.

Women without breast cancer are also at risk, she added. If they use estrogen-containing topical moisturizers, they may be dosing themselves daily with estrogen for extended periods, thereby boosting their risk of breast cancer.

Suzanne M. Snedeker, PhD at Cornell University has a very informative page on estrogens in cosmetics.

Another resource is the Cosemtics Data Base

From My Print Media Series for 12.08, Health Matters©: Natural Notes on Health
Select Recipes Courtesy: StarWest Botanicals
Natural Notes on Health:Winter Skin Care

About 15 years ago I met a woman from Canada that spent over a decade researching the cosmetic industry. She published her book in the early 1990s and subsequently moved because of the number of threats she got because she was exposing this $10 billion industry.

Just in the last few years there are several groups that have raised the issue that Judi Vance first addressed in the 1980s that led to her book, “Beauty to Die For”.

Another friend and colleague of mine has made natural cosmetics now for 25 years. I always sold or recommended her products to my clients and many other people. Her business is now certified organic and she grows many of the herbs and plants that she uses in her products.

Another thing to consider is that even prescription creams, lotions and shampoos for contain a number of ingredients that are untested in combination or may be skin irritants or carcinogenic.

Once it gets colder, drier and windier during the winter months skin takes quite a beating. Probably the most common complaint during these months is dry skin, but it can be prevented with natural products and supplements.

The best way to protect against dry skin is to make sure you have an adequate intake of vitamin A along with vitamins D and E. These are three of the four fat soluble vitamins and this means that you need to ingest healthy fats like butter, olive oil or coconut oil to help the vitamins absorb so they can do their job.

An option you have as well is to make some products on your own.

The good part about making your own natural skin care products is that you control what goes into them and they are free of artificial chemicals. What you make is luxurious and can even be fragrance free.

You reduce waste too because you don’t have to deal with excess packaging.

An easy lip balm can be made as follows:
Please note that most vitamin E capsules are made from synthetic ingredients like GMO soy oil. It is best to use natural vitamin E and this oil is readily available, even in high potency.

If you flavor your lip balm make sure you choose natural flavors as well. Fragrance oils are most often synthetic and made from petroleum and use chemical flavoring.
Use raw or uncooked and unprocessed honey, and olive oil sold in glass bottles. Shea Butter can be used with the bees wax.

2 TBSP olive oil
1/2 tsp. honey
3/4 tsp. beeswax - grated
1/2 tsp. pure cocoa butter
Flavored oil of your choice
1 vitamin E capsule

In a small saucepan, heat oil, honey, wax and cocoa butter over low heat until just melted. Remove from heat and cool for 2-3 minutes. Stir in flavoring and contents of vitamin E capsule. Pour into container.
Anti-aging Dry Skin Moisturizer

4 ounces Shea butter
2 ounces organic olive oil
2 teaspoons organic vitamin E oil, 5000 IU
1 teaspoon active royal jelly
6 drops organic lavender essential oil

Blend ingredients on high until smooth and creamy. Store refrigerated in an airtight container. It is necessary to make this in small amounts and keep refrigerated because of the active royal jelly. This is an awesome ingredient for its healing properties and well worth the effort.

Super Simple Moisturizer
For your hair: Mix one ripe avocado with 2 TBSP raw honey and blend well. Apply to hair for 20-30 minutes, and then wash as usual (you might want to think about using natural hair care products to avoid the chemicals in most shampoos and conditioners).
For your skin: Blend 1/4 cup Aloe vera gel and 2 TBSP vegetable glycerin, of each. You can also add 3 drops of pure essential oil or add 1/2 teaspoon of active royal jelly for anti aging effects.

For your nails: Blend 2 ounces of pure Palma Cristi castor oil with 10 drops of organic lavender essential oil. Massage into nails and cuticles. This also helps reduce or eliminate nail fungus.

I have made my own skin care oil blend for many years using vitamin E oil, rose hips oil and jojoba oil. Rose hips are very high in vitamin C while jojoba oil is good to protect from the effects of aging as is vitamin E. This blend is high in anti-oxidants and lubricates the skin while not being greasy. I find that the fragrance of the oils is very pleasant and I don’t add anything extra.

Jeanne Rose has a wonderful book that I relied on in my hippie days and while raising my children. I suggest it might be available from your library or favorite used book store.

You can order all supplies from the botanical link found on our blog, at

And while a commercial product, I recommend Aura Glow for bath oil or after showering. This is an Edgar Cayce remedy and is available under the Heritage Store brand.

Things the Cosmetic Industry Don't Want You to Know:

A number of cosmetic products are made up of ingredients that could be harmful to your health. Since the FDA has not set standards for the safety testing of cosmetics, it's up to you to be your own watchdog. Following are seven ingredients that should be on everyone's alert list:

Alpha-Hydroxy Acids - Found In: Moisturizers, toners, cleansers, masks, age-spot removers

Cause for Alarm: AHAs are known for accelerating the exfoliation of dead skin cells. But they can also increase the skin's sensitivity to the sun by as much as 50 percent, leaving you exposed to accelerated skin aging and the possibility of skin cancer. Safe Bet: AHAs are best used at a concentration that is less than 10 percent.

Formaldehyde - Found In: Nail polish, shampoos, soaps, skin creams.

Cause for Alarm: This potentially irritating preservative can be absorbed into the skin and cause allergic reactions, headaches, even asthma. The ingredient, if listed at all, is often referred to as formalin. Its use in cosmetics is banned in Japan and Sweden. Safe Bet: Read labels carefully: products containing levels that might trigger an adverse reaction are required to carry a caution.

Propylene Glycol - Found In: Suntan lotions, lipsticks and other cosmetics and toiletries.

Cause for Alarm: Its humectant properties are used to stop products from drying out. But it has also been linked to liver abnormalities and kidney damage. It is also known as a skin and eye irritant. Safe Bet: Avoid it altogether and instead opt for alternative products containing glycerin or sorbitol.

Sodium Lauryl Sulfate - Found In: Bubble baths, toothpastes, shampoos and lotions

Cause for Alarm: This detergent, which has been found to enter the brain, heart and liver and impair the immune system, has been linked to eye irritations, skin rashes and allergic reactions. The biggest problems occur when it is mixed with other chemicals, like those typically used in toiletries, because it can form carcinogenic compounds. Safe Bet: Minimize the risks by using products with SLS sparingly and rinsing off quickly afterwards.

Talc - Found In: Makeup and body powders

Cause for Alarm: Mineral talc has been linked to ovarian cancer and has been found to induce cancer in rodents. Safe Bet: Avoid using talc-based powders, especially on genital areas.

Mineral Oil - Found In: Makeup removers, lipsticks, lotions

Cause for Alarm: A petroleum derivative, it has been linked to everything from clogged pores to cancer. Its density does not allow skin to breathe. Safe Bet: Most experts advise to avoid it.

Methyl Methacrylate - Found In: Nail products, primarily used in application of acrylic nails

Cause for Alarm: The chemical has been linked to fungal infections, nail deformities and other problems. Prolonged exposure can lead to eye, skin and lung irritation, abnormal liver or kidney function, nervous system damage or reproductive problems. Safe Bet: Stick with salons that use ethyl methacrylate, a safer bonding liquid, instead. It's more expensive, but isn't your safety worth it?

Vanessa Bush has covered the beauty and fashion scene for a host of magazines including Glamour and Honey, and she is
currently an editor at Essence. She is the co-author, with supermodel Tyra Banks, of Tyra's Beauty Inside & Out. Vanessa
and her family make their home in New Jersey.


Would You Knowingly Wash Your Hands With Agent Orange ?
By Carol Mahany

Taken from Natural Health World

ABC's 20/20 recently aired an important Health News Alert:
Infectious diseases have now become the 3rd leading killer of Americans.

We were told that everything we touch is covered with germs. In restaurants, dangerous bacteria are on the salt & pepper shakers, utensils, napkins, and table tops.

We come in contact with Staphylococcus (infections, meningitis, pneumonia), the yeast-like fungi Candida, and E. coli on telephone mouth pieces and keypads, computers, bathroom doors, and paper money.

Hepatitis A has reached epidemic proportions in Salt Lake City.

The solution - Hand washing as an important key to preventing the spread of infectious diseases.

As an example, we were told that each year as many as 80.000 to 100,000 deaths occur in hospitals due to germs; one-third of these are preventable simply by doctors and nurses washing their hands.

After the ABC program aired, perhaps you were among the millions of Americans who ran to their local stores to purchase "antibacterial" hand wash or gel from the variety of brands available.

What you were not told is the danger lurking inside those bottles! Take a look at the ingredient label. Do you see TRICLOSAN?

This synthetic "antibacterial" ingredient has a chemical structure similar to Agent Orange.

The EPA describes Triclosan as a toxic pesticide, giving it the highest scores as a risk to both human health and the environment. Whenever you wash your hands, this toxin goes down the drain, and eventually into your drinking water. It essentially remains in the environment forever.

Triclosan is a chlorophenol, a class of chemicals suspected of causing cancer in humans. It is a long, slow poison.

Scientific research shows that Triclosan may produce dioxin, a powerful hormone-disrupting chemical. Hormone-disruptors pose enormous long-term health risks. They change genetic material, cause sterility in men, affect sexual function, and may cause birth defects.

With continued use of these antibacterial hand washes and gels, Triclosan is absorbed through your skin and stored in your fatty tissues, eventually reaching levels which may damage your liver, kidneys and lungs, cause paralysis or heart problems and suppress your immune system.

And the FDA - how could they allow such a chemical on the shelves?

The FDA has no authority over the cosmetic manufacturers. A manufacturer may use any ingredient or raw material and market the final product without government approval. (US News & World Report Nov. 10, 1997)

Recently, Senator Edward Kennedy has been addressing Congress on this issue. " ... every American routinely assumes that the (cosmetic) product is safe, ... A study by the General Accounting Office (GAO) reported that more than 125 ingredients used in cosmetics are suspected of
causing cancer.

"Long-term illnesses ranging from cancer to birth defects may not be linked to their cosmetic-related causes because symptoms of chronic toxic effects may not occur until months or years after exposure."



The following information might seem obvious, because they are common sense. However, it's so important in the process of protecting ourself from germs that I can't not take a chance in assuming that you already fully aware of them.

First, when should we wash our hands?
According to the Center of Disease Control, it's especially important to wash our hands:
* Before, during, and after you prepare food
* Before you eat, and after you use the bathroom
* After handling animals or animal waste
* When your hands are dirty
* More frequently when someone in your home is sick

I realize it's almost impossible to be germ-free, because we are constantly touching something, and that something always is covered with germs. It sounds as if we have to wash our hands constantly, or else we will get infected. However, just wash our hands at the right moment, then we will be safe.

Second, how do we wash our hands properly?
* Wet the hands, and apply soap.
* Rub the hands together for at least 10-15 seconds. (The soap, with the rubbing action will help remove the germ.)
* Dry the hands.

Note: You can always use the hand sanitizer afterward for extra protection. It's equally important, that we should not use any sanitation products that says antibacterial, because bacteria now are becoming more and more drug-resistant, due to excessive use of antibiotics. So don't use anything that has antibody component. There is a news article that talks about the potential danger of antibacterial soap.

There is a alternative way to hand washing, and that is to use hand sanitizer, such as Purell. It's main component is just alcohol, that would physically kill 99.9% of the germs on your hands. However, the trade off is, the sanitizer can be costly and it will make some people's hand dry. So, the simple soap and water should be sufficient, but if you want to be extra careful, just wash your hands for a longer period of time, and scrub it real well. I wouldn't recomment using the hand sanitizer in place of traditional hand washing, but if you have no choice or you just don't mind dry skin, then by all means, do whatever it takes to protect yourself.


Milk; It Does a Body No Good:

These links are bad right now, trying to source the articles, search on internet for 'aspartame dangers', 'microwave food danger' and 'soy danger' if you're interested. Thanks for browsing. Check back often


NutraSweet; A Diet for Disaster:


Don't Microwave that Food:


The Danger of Soy Products:


Don't Microwave Your Nail Polish:

Women's mag triggers oven explosions

An Argentinian women's magazine had to publish an apology after issuing advice which led more than 100 microwave ovens to explode. Claudia magazine said women could restore old bottles of nail varnish by putting them in a microwave oven for three minutes. But many of the women who tried it found the chemical reaction caused their microwave ovens to explode. The magazine received more than 100 complaints. Story filed: 08:35 Thursday 22nd May 2003

More facts than you will ever need

Hewlett Packard's first product was an automatic urinal flusher.

All of David Letterman's suits are custom made; there are no creases in his suit trousers.

Cranberry Jell-O is the only flavor that contains real fruit flavoring.

Fewer than half of the 16,200 major league baseball players have ever hit a home run.

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.

Richard Versalle, a tenor performing at New York's Metropolitan Opera House, suffered a heart attack and fell 10 feet from a ladder to the stage just after singing the line "You can only live so long."

If the entire population of earth was reduced to exactly 100 people, 51% would be female, 49% male; 50% of the world's currency would be held by 6 people, one person would be nearly dead, one nearly born.

In 1920, Babe Ruth out-homered every American League team.

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England, but only in tropical fish stores.

Toxic house plants poison more children than household chemicals.

The original name of Bank of America was Bank of Italy.

The ant, when intoxicated, will always fall over to its right side.

The California Department of Motor Vehicles has issued six driver's licenses to six different people named Jesus Christ.

Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike each year than all the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

People in China and Japan die disproportionately on the 4th of each month because the words death and four sound alike, and they are represented by the same symbol.

Chicago is closer to Moscow than it is to Rio de Janeiro.

Dogs have two sets of teeth, just like humans. They first have 30 "puppy" teeth, then 42 adult teeth.

In 1950, President Harry Truman threw out the first ball twice at the opening day Washington DC baseball game; once right handed and once left handed.

A Swiss ski resort announced it would combat global warming by wrapping its mountain glaciers in aluminum foil to keep them from melting.

The chameleon has a tongue that is one and a half times the length of his body.

Beethoven dipped his head in cold water before he composed.

There once was a town named "6" in West Virginia.

Ten years ago, only 500 people in China could ski. This year, an estimated 5,000,000 Chinese will visit ski resorts.

In 1920, Babe Ruth broke the single season home run record, with 29. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 30 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 40 home runs. The same year, he became the first major leaguer to hit 50 home runs.

A Nigerian woman was caught entering the UK with 104 kg of snails in her baggage.

Profanity is typically cut from in-flight movies to make them suitable for general audiences. Fox Searchlight Pictures has substituted "Ashcroft" for "A**hole" in the movie Sideways when dubbed for Aerolineas Argentinas flights.

Author Hunter S. Thompson, who committed suicide recently, wanted to be cremated and his ashes to be shot out of a cannon on his ranch.

Sports Illustrated magazine allows subscribers to opt out of receiving the famous swimsuit issue each year. Fewer than 1% choose this option.

There is a company that will (for $14,000) take your ashes, compress them into a synthetic diamond to be set in jewelry for a loved one.

The RIAA sued an 83 year old woman for downloading music illegally, even though a copy of her death certificate was sent to the RIAA a week before it filed the suit.

Two 1903 paintings recently sold at auction for $590,000 - the paintings were in the famous "Dogs Playing Poker" series.

Russian scientists have developed a new drug that prolongs drunkenness and enhances intoxication.

Romanian firefighters could not get their trucks close enough to a burning building, so they put out the fire by throwing snowballs at it.

A perfect SAT score is 1600 combined. Bill Gates scored 1590 on his SAT. Paul Allen, Bill's partner in Microsoft, scored a perfect 1600. Bill Cosby scored less than 500 combined.

Motorists traveling outside Salem, Oregon saw one of the "litter cleanup" signs crediting the American Nazi party. Marion County officials had no choice but to let that group into the adopt-a-road program. The $500 per sign was picked up by Oregon taxpayers. The Ku Klux Klan is also involved in the adopt-a-road program in the state of Arkansas.

Spam filters that catch the word "cialis" will not allow many work-related e-mails through because that word is embedded inside the word "specialist".

McDonald's restaurants will buy 54,000,000 pounds of fresh apples this year. Two years ago, McDonald's purchased 0 pounds of apples. This is attributed to the shift to more healthy menu options (the Apple Pie, which has been at McDonald's for years uses processed Apple Pie Filling).

The biggest dog on record was an Old English Mastiff that weighed 343 pounds. He was 8 feet, 3 inches from nose to tail.

Mailmen in Russia now carry revolvers after a recent decision by the government.

All of Queen Anne's 17 children died before she did.

There are over 87,000 Americans on waiting lists for organ transplants.

American made parts account for only 1% of the Chrysler Crossfire. 96% of the Ford F-150 Heritage Truck is American.

A Dutch court ruled that a bank robber could deduct the 2,000 Euros he paid for his pistol from the 6,600 Euros he has to return to the bank he robbed.

Only 6% of the autographs in circulation from members of the Beatles are estimated to be real.

The time spent deleting SPAM costs United States businesses $21.6 billion annually.

60.7 percent of eligible voters participated in the 2004 presidential election, the highest percentage in 36 years. However, more than 78 million did not vote. This means President Bush won re-election by receiving votes from less than 31% of all eligible voters in the United States.

John Quincy Adams, sixth president of the United States, loved to skinny dip in the Potomac River.

La Paz, Bolivia has an average annual temperature below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. However, it has never recorded a zero-degree temperature. Same for Stanley, Falkland Islands and Punta Arenas, Chile.

41% of Chinese people eat at least once a week at a fast food restaurant. 35% of Americans do.

A Wisconsin forklift operator for a Miller beer distributor was fired when a picture was published in a newspaper showing him drinking a Bud Light.

So many Americans decided not to get a flu shot in winter 2004/2005 that there is now a surplus of flu immunizations; if more people don't get flu shots soon, there will be thousands of doses that will go to waste.

G-rated family films earn far more money than any other rating. Yet only 3% of Hollywood's output is G-rated.

Richard Hatch, winner of the first "Survivor" reality series, has been charged with tax evasion for failing to report his $1,000,000 prize.

The entire fleet of Unicoi County Tennessee's salt trucks was rendered out of commission in one accident. All three trucks were badly damaged when one of them began skidding down a road, causing a chain reaction accident. Officials blamed road conditions.

More people study English in China than speak it in the United States of America (300 million).

Fast food provider Hardee's has recently introduced the Monster Thickburger. It has 1,420 calories and 107 grams of fat.

More than 2,500 left-handed people are killed each year from using products that are made for right-handed people.

For every person on earth, there are an estimated 200 million insects.

There are 2,000,000 millionaires in the United States.

1.5 million Americans are charged with drunk driving each year.

A Georgia company will mix your loved one's ashes with cement and drop it into the ocean to form an artificial reef.

The Washington Times newspaper is owned by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.

The busiest shopping hour of the holiday season is between 3:00 pm and 4:00 pm on Christmas Eve.

In 2002, women earned 742,000 bachelor's degrees. Men earned only 550,000 during the same year. The difference is growing so large that many colleges now practice (quietly) affirmative action for male applicants.

Most of the deck chairs on the Queen Mary 2 have had to be replaced because overweight Americans were breaking them.

Actor Bill Murray doesn't have a publicist or an agent.

The day after President George W. Bush was reelected, Canada's main immigration website had 115,000 visitors. Before Bush's re-election, this site averaged about 20,000 visitors each day.

Only 30% of stolen artwork worth more than $1,000,000 each is recovered.

The typical American child receives 70 new toys a year, most of them during the holiday season.

90% of Canada's 31,000,000 citizens live within 100 miles of the U.S. border.

Costco is the largest wine retailer in the United States. Annual wine sales are about $700 million.

The worst air polluter in the entire state of Washington is Mount St. Helens.

There are less than 100 surviving American World War I veterans.

Actor Bruce Willis has filed a lawsuit against the movie studio that produced his film "Tears of the Sun", alleging he was struck in the forehead by a fake bullet. Since 2002 (when the movie was in production), the lawsuit claims he has endured "extreme mental, physical, and emotional pain and suffering".

A ten year old mattress weighs double what it did when it was new, because of the -ahem- debris which is absorbed through the years. That debris includes dust mites (their droppings and their decaying bodies), mold, millions of dead skin cells, dandruff, animal and human hair, secretions, excretions, lint, pollen, dust, soil, sand and a lot of perspiration, of which the average person loses a quart per day. Good night!

About 20% of gift cards never are redeemed at the full value of the card.

John Kerry's hometown newspaper, the Lowell Sun, endorsed George W. Bush for president. Bush's hometown newspaper, the Lone Star Iconoclast, endorsed John Kerry for president.

Only 939 of the 1,400,000 high school seniors who took the SAT in 2004 got a perfect score of 1600. Two of them are twin brothers Dillon and Jesse Smith from Long Island, NY.

Billboard magazine has recently launched a top 20 chart of cell phone ringtones.

The US Army is handing out $2,500 to Fallujah residents whose property was destroyed by US planes and artillery.

George W. Bush, who presents himself as a man of faith, rarely goes to church. Yet he received votes from nearly two out of three voters who attend church at least once a week.

In 2015, it is estimated that half the federal budget will be spent on programs for the elderly.

Dolly Parton is planning on having breast reduction surgery soon to relieve the pain on her back.

A private elementary school in Alexandria, Virginia, accidentally served margaritas to its schoolchildren, thinking it was limeade.

The Chicago Cubs are suing former Hartford Courant newspaper carrier Mark Guthrie to get back $301,000 in pay that was intended to go to a Cubs pitcher with the same name. The Tribune Company owns both the Hartford Courant and the Chicago Cubs.

In February 2004, a Disney World employee was killed when he fell from a parade float and was trapped between two float sections. OSHA termed this a serious workplace violation, but Disney was fined only $6,300.

Even today, 90% of the continental United States is still open space or farmland.

The second Saturday in September is usually a popular time for weddings. Not in 2004, as most couples did not want their anniversaries on September 11.

Mel Gibson has personally earned almost $400,000,000 from his movie "The Passion of the Christ".

Austin High School in Texas has removed candy from its vending machines. Now some enterprising students are earning $200 per week dealing in black market candy.

In 2004, Virgin Atlantic Airlines introduced a double bed for first class passengers who fly together.

The world's largest book, "Bhutan: A Visual Odyssey" is in a Chicago public library. The book measures 5 feet tall by 7 feet wide when open. It weighs 133 pounds.

If the recent U.S. election was held in Canada, John Kerry would have beaten George Bush in a landslide - 64% to 19%.

Oprah Winfrey and Elvis Presley are distant cousins.

55% of Americans claim they would continue working even if they received a $10,000,000 lottery prize.

The company that manufactures the greatest number of women's dresses each year is Mattel. Barbie's got to wear something.

All radios in North Korea have been rigged so listeners can only receive a North Korean government station. The United States recently announced plans to smuggle $2,000,000 worth of small radios into the country so North Koreans can get a taste of (what their government calls) "rotten imperialist reactionary culture".

La Paz, Bolivia is the world's most fireproof city. At 12,000 feet about sea level, the amount of oxygen in the air barely supports a flame.

The estates of 22 dead celebrities earned over $5 million in 2004. These celebrities include Elvis Presley, Dr. Seuss, Charles Schulz, J.R.R. Tolkien and John Lennon.

George Washington spent about 7% of his annual salary on liquor.

Each year, more people are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears.

If you disassembled the Great Pyramid of Cheops, you would get enough stones to encircle the earth with a brick wall twenty inches high.

Nearly one third of New York City public school teachers send their own children to private schools.

The New York City Police Department has a $3.3 billion annual budget, larger than all but 19 of the world's armies.

CBS's fine for Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction" in the 2004 Super Bowl show was $550,000. This could be paid with only 7.5 seconds of commercial time during the same Super Bowl telecast.

In September 2004, a Minnesota state trooper issued a speeding ticket to a motorcyclist who was clocked at 205 mph.

Al Gore's roommate in college (Harvard, class of 1969) was Tommy Lee Jones.

In her later years, Florence Nightingale kept a pet owl in her pocket.

The New York Jets were unable to find hotel rooms for a game in Indianapolis recently because they had all been booked up by people attending Gencon, a gaming convention.

China is the world's largest market for BMW's top of the line 760Li. This car sells for $200,000 in China - more than almost all people in China make in a lifetime.

A chef's hat is shaped the way it is for a reason: its shape allows air to circulate around the scalp, keeping the head cool in a hot kitchen.

Life expectancy for Russian men has actually gone down over the past 40 years. A Russian male born today can expect to live an average 58 years.

Each year, sixteen million gallons of oil run off pavement into streams, rivers and eventually oceans in the United States. This is more oil than was spilled by the Exxon Valdez.

An employee of the Alabama Department of Transportation installed spyware on his boss's computer and proved that the boss spent 10% of his time working (20% of time checking stocks and 70% of the time playing solitaire). The employee was fired, the boss kept his job.

In 1985, the most popular waist size for men's pants was 32. In 2003, it's 36.

Solid structures (parking lots, roads, buildings) in the United States cover an area the size of Ohio.

A Brussels Airlines flight to Vienna was aborted because the pilot was attacked in the cockpit. The attacker was a passenger's cat, who got out of its travel bag.

Physicists have already performed a simple type of teleportation, transferring the quantum characteristics of one atom onto another atom at a different location.

At General Motors, the cost of health care for employees now exceeds the cost of steel.

There is a regulation size half-court where employees can play basketball inside the Matterhorn at Disneyland.

One of pitcher Nolan Ryan's jockstraps recently sold at auction for $25,000.

Television stations hung banners at the 2004 Democratic National Convention, including Al-Jazeera, until it was noticed and taken down.

A woman was chewing what was left of her chocolate bar when she entered a Metro station in Washington DC. She was arrested and handcuffed; eating is prohibited in Metro stations.

The New York City subway system, in an effort to raise revenue, is considering selling sponsorships of individual stations to corporations. Riders could soon be getting off at Nike Grand Central Station or Sony Times Square.

The Nike swoosh was designed by a Portland State University student, and purchased by Nike for $35.

Gerald Ford once worked as a cover model for Cosmopolitan magazine.

Gillette spent $1,000,000 to place razor samples in the welcome bags handed out at the Democratic National Convention, only to have them confiscated as they were considered a threat. This caused huge delays at all security checkpoints.

Quebec City, Canada, has about as much street crime as Disney World.

Jim Carrey voted in 2004 at the Beverly Hills City Hall. He had an assistant wait in line for him, however.

As part of a charity event, 500 cats were spayed and neutered in the cafeteria of an elementary school. School was cancelled for days and $10,000 was spent on cleaning and sterilizing the room.

The United States has five percent of the world's population, but twenty-five percent of the world's prison population.

Seven percent of Americans claim they never bathe at all.

The largest McDonald's is in Beijing, China - measuring 28,000 square feet. It has twenty nine cash registers.

A house in Baghdad worth $15,000 before the Iraq war now sells for $120,000 to $150,000.

There are between 5,000 and 7,000 tigers kept as pets in the United States.

The fertility rate in states that voted for George Bush is 12% higher than states that favored John Kerry.

The chicken is one of the few things that man eats before it's born and after it's dead.

The number of US college students studying Latin is three times the number studying Arabic.

In 2004, one in six girls in the United States enter puberty at age 8. A hundred years ago, only one in a hundred entered puberty that early.

If you hook Jell-O up to an EEG, it registers movements almost identical to a human adult's brain waves.

Some dogs can predict when a child will have an epileptic seizure, and even protect the child from injury. They're not trained to do this, they simply learn to respond after observing at least one attack.

32 out of 33 samples of well-known brands of milk purchased in Los Angeles and Orange counties in California had trace amounts of perchlorate. Perchlorate is the explosive component in rocket fuel.

The remains of 125 people will be launched into space where they will orbit the Earth for centuries.

The leading cause of on-the-job deaths in workplaces in America is homicide.

So far, Congress has authorized $152,600,000,000 for the Iraq war. This is enough to build over 17,500 elementary schools.

Americans take an average of just ten days per year vacation. In France, the law guarantees everyone five weeks of vacation, and most full-time workers get two full months vacation.

The IRS admits that one in five people who call their help line get the wrong answer to their question.

20% of Americans think that the sun orbits around the Earth.

Van Halen singer David Lee Roth trained to be an EMT in New York City, and planned to be certified by November 2004.

The thong accounts for 25% of the United States women's underwear market.

On average, 40% of all hotel rooms in the United States remain empty every night.

When you hear a bullwhip snap, it's because the tip is traveling faster than the speed of sound.

There is a new television show on a British cable called "Watching Paint Dry". Viewers watch in real-time. Gloss, semi-gloss, matte, satin, you name it. Then viewers vote out their least favorite.

The largest ocean liners pay a $250,000 toll for each trip through the Panama Canal. The canal generates fully one-third of Panama's entire economy.

French author Michel Thaler published a 233 page novel which has no verbs.

The spring thaw finally allows cemeteries in Alaska to start digging graves for those who died during the winter.

When Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 18 in mid-2004, they will take official control of a company worth more than the gross national product of Mongolia. Their earnings in 2003 topped $1 billion.

Orthodox rabbis warned that New York City drinking water might not be kosher; it contains harmless micro-organisms that are technically shellfish.

David Bowie thinks he is being stalked by someone who is dressed like a giant pink rabbit. Bowie has noticed the fan at several recent concerts, but he became alarmed when he got on a plane and the bunny was on board.

A party boat filled with 60 men and women capsized in Texas after all the passengers rushed to one side as the boat passed a nude beach.

In 1997, a woman in Bradenton, Florida lost her cat. In 2004, she got a call from the local animal shelter. The cat turned up wandering the streets in San Francisco, California. The cat's identity was proven with a microchip that had been implanted prior to 1997.

Almost 20% of the billions of dollars American taxpayers are spending to rebuild Iraq are lost to theft, kickbacks and corruption.

The treasury department has more than twenty people assigned to catching people who violate the trade and tourism embargo with Cuba. In contrast, it has only four employees assigned to track the assets of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.

There are 40,000 New York City cab drivers, who collectively drive more than a million miles each day.

An estimated 800,000 senior citizens voluntarily give up their driving privileges each year. The average age at which they surrender the wheel is 85.

More than 8,100 US troops are still listed as missing in action from the Korean war.

3,400,000 Americans are considered "Extreme Commuters". These people commute over 90 minutes round trip every day to work.


1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.
7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
19. Procrastinate Now!
20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
24.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
27. Ham and eggs, aday's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.
30. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Important Military Information

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Marine Corps training manual

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Pilot training manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you ... panic. The rest of you, come with me." - U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance officer

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop

"Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing." - At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base, Kadena, Japan

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

"Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky." --From an old carrier sailor

"If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; if ATC screws up, the pilot dies."

"Never trade luck for skill."

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where the hell are we?" and "Oh Shit!"

"Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."

"Progress in airline flying: now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."

"Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."

"Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible."

"The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you." - Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)

"Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." - Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ,

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!" - Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)



Odds that a person between the age of 18 and 29 does NOT read a newspaper regularly: 3 to 1

Odds that an American adult does not want to live to age 120 under any circumstances: 3 to 2

Odds of injury from fireworks: 19,556 to 1

Odds of injury from shaving: 6,585 to 1

Odds of injury from using a chain saw: 4,464 to 1

Odds of injury from mowing the lawn: 3,623 to 1

Odds of fatally slipping in bath or shower: 2,232 to 1

Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1

Odds of being killed on a 5-mile bus trip: 500,000,000 to 1

Odds of being killed sometime in the next year in any sort of transportation accident: 77 to 1

Odds of being killed in any sort of non-transportation accident: 69 to 1

Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1

Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1

Odds of being murdered: 18,000 to 1

Odds of getting away with murder: 2 to 1

Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1

Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1

Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1

Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1

Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1

Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1

Odds of being audited by the IRS: 175 to 1

Odds of having your identity stolen: 200 to 1

Odds of dating a millionaire: 215 to 1

Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1

Odds of writing a New York Times best seller: 220 to 1

Odds of finding out your child is a genius: 250 to 1

Odds of catching a ball at a major league ballgame: 563 to 1

Odds of becoming a pro athlete: 22,000 to 1

Odds of finding a four-leaf clover on first try: 10,000 to 1

Odds of a person in the military winning the Medal of Honor: 11,000 to 1

Odds of winning an Academy Award: 11,500 to 1

Odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow: 60,000 to 1

Odds of getting a royal flush in poker on first five cards dealt: 649,740 to 1

Odds of spotting a UFO today: 3,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming president: 10,000,000 to 1

Odds of winning the California lottery: 13,000,000 to 1

Odds of becoming a saint: 20,000,000 to 1

Odds of a meteor landing on your house: 182,138,880,000,000 to 1

Chance of an American home having at least one container of ice cream in the freezer: 9 in 10.

Chance of dying from any kind of injury during the next year: 1 in 1,820

Chance of dying from intentional self-harm: 1 in 9,380

Chance of dying from an assault: 1 in 16,421

Chance of dying from a car accident: 1 in 18,585

Chance of dying from any kind of fall: 1 in 20,666

Chance of dying from accidental drowning: 1 in 79,065

Chance of dying from exposure to smoke, fire, and flames: 1 in 81,524

Chance of dying in an explosion: 1 in 107,787

Chance that Earth will experience a catastrophic collision with an asteroid in the next 100 years: 1 in 5,000

Chance of dying in such a collision: 1 in 20,000

Chance of dying from exposure to forces of nature (heat, cold, lightning, earthquake, flood): 1 in 225,107

Chance of dying in an airplane accident: 1 in 354,319

Chance of dying from choking on food: 1 in 370,035

Chance of dying in a terrorist attack while visiting a foreign country: 1 in 650,000

Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1 in 1,000,000

Chance of dying from overexertion, travel or privation: 1 in 1,428,377

Chance of dying from food poisoning: 1 in 3,000,000

Chance of dying from legal execution: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from contact with hot tap water: 1 in 5,005,564

Chance of dying from parts falling off an airplane: 1 in 10,000,000

Chance of dying from ignition or melting of nightwear: 1 in 30,589,556

Chance of dying from being bitten by a dog: 1 in 700,000

Chance of dying from contact with a venomous animal or plant: 1 in 3,441,325

Chance of dying from being bitten or struck by mammals (other than dogs or humans): 1 in 4,235,477

Chance of dying from a mountain lion attack in California: 1 in 32,000,000

Chance of dying from a shark attack: 1 in 300,000,000

Chance of having a stroke: 1 in 6

Chance of dying from heart disease: 1 in 3

Chance of getting arthritis: 1 in 7

Chance of suffering from asthma or allergy diseases: 1 in 6

Chance of getting the flu this year: 1 in 10

Chance of developing schizophrenia: 1 in 00

Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000

Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000

Chance of American man developing cancer in his lifetime: 1 in 2

Chance of an American woman developing cancer in her lifetime: 1 in 3

Chance of getting prostate cancer: 1 in 6

Chance of getting breast cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of getting colon / rectal cancer: 1 in 26

Chance of beating pancreatic or liver cancer: 1 in 9

Chance of beating thyroid or testicular cancer: 9 in 10



There is an ATM at McMurdo Station in Antarctica, which has a winter population of 200.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

Newborn babies are given to the wrong mother in the hospital 12 times a day worldwide.

The Starbucks at the highest elevation is on Main Street in Breckenridge, Colorado.

Each year, over 1,000,000 people fail to itemize out the mortgage interest deduction on their income taxes. Last year, this amounted to $473,000,000 in taxes.

In 1998, more fast-food employees were murdered on the job than police officers.

The lead singer of The Knack, famous for "My Sharona," and Jack Kevorkian's lead defense attorney are brothers, Doug & Jeffrey Feiger.

Two very popular and common objects have the same function, but one has thousands of moving parts, while the other has absolutely no moving parts - an hourglass and a sundial.

One out of three employees who received a promotion use a coffee mug with the company logo on it.

If you know a millionaire who happens to be married, what is the most likely profession of his wife? She's probably a teacher.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

The two-foot long bird called a Kea that lives in New Zealand likes to eat the strips of rubber around car windows.

1 pound of lemons contain more sugar than 1 pound of strawberries.

The "you are here" arrow on maps is called an ideo locator.

60% of all US potato products originate in Idaho.

61,000 people are airborne over the US at any given time.

A flamingo can eat only when its head is upside down.

Mark Twain was born on a day in 1835 when Halley's Comet came into view. When he died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again.

The Weddell seal can travel underwater for seven miles without surfacing for air.

In 1963, baseball pitcher Gaylord Perry remarked, "They'll put a man on the moon before I hit a home run." On July 20, 1969, a few hours after Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, Gaylord Perry hit his first (and only) home run.

The longest words in the English language with only one syllable are the nine-letter "screeched" and "strengths".

Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye".

All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" read 4:20.

A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

A baby is born without kneecaps. They appear between age 2 and 6.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

A snail can have about 25,000 teeth.

A snail can also sleep for three years.

A starfish can turn its stomach inside out.

A strand from the web of a golden spider is as strong as a steel wire of the same size.

A toothpick is the object most often choked on by Americans.

About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they're still sitting on it.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.

Soldiers from every country salute with their right hand.

The microwave oven was invented by mistake when an engineer testing a magnetron tube noticed that the radiation from it melted the chocolate bar he had in his pocket.

Moisture, not air, causes super glue to dry.

Only 14% of Americans say they've skinny dipped with the opposite sex.

What separates "60 Minutes" on CBS from every other TV show? No theme song or music.

Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of their birthplace.

Most boat owners name their boats. The most popular boat name requested is Obsession.

100% of all lottery winners gain weight.

An average American will spend an average of 6 months during his lifetime waiting at red lights.

The Olympic flag's colors are always red, black, blue, green and yellow rings on a field of white. This is because at least one of those colors appears on the flag of every nation on the planet.

Cats can hear ultrasound.

In a recent survey, Americans revealed that banana was their favorite smell.

In all three Godfather films, when you see oranges, there is a death (or a very close call) coming up soon.

The arteries and veins surrounding the brain stem called the "circle of Willis" looks like a stick person with a large head.

Brushing your teeth regularly has been shown to prevent heart disease.

If you were to spell out numbers, you would you have to go until 1,000 until you would find the letter "A".

23% of employees say they have had sex in the office.

Bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.

A kiss stimulates 29 muscles and chemicals causing relaxation. Women seem to like it light and frequent, men like it more strenuous.

There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.

Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) was allergic to carrots.

40% of all people who come to a party in your home snoop in your medicine cabinet.

3.9% of all women surveyed say they never wear underwear.

Superman is featured on every episode of "Seinfeld", either by name or pictures on Jerry's refrigerator.

85% of the guys who cheat on their wives die while having sex.

Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class.


It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.

Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he / she is supposed to be doing.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Following the rules will not get the job done.

Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

You sound reasonable. Time to up my medication.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.



Thomas Edison, light bulb inventor, was afraid of the dark.

During your lifetime, you'll eat about 60,000 pounds of food. That's the weight of about 6 elephants.

Some ribbon worms will eat themselves if they can't find any food.

Dolphins sleep with one eye open.

The worlds oldest piece of chewing gum is 9000 years old.

In space, astronauts cannot cry, because there is no gravity, so the tears can't flow.

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.

A sneeze travels out your mouth at over 100 m.p.h.

Your ribs move about 5 million times a year, every time you breathe.

In the White House, there are 13,092 knives, forks and spoons.

Slugs have 4 noses.

Recycling one glass jar saves enough energy to watch TV for 3 hours.

Lightning strikes about 6,000 times per minute on this planet.

Owls are the only birds who can see the color blue.

The average American drinks about 600 sodas a year.

It's against the law to slam your car door in Switzerland.

There wasn't a single pony in the Pony Express, just horses.

Honeybees have hair on their eyes.

A jellyfish is 95 percent water.

In Bangladesh, kids as young as 15 can be jailed for cheating on their finals.

A company in Taiwan makes dinnerware out of wheat, so you can eat your plate.

The elephant is the only mammal that can't jump.

The penguin is the only bird who can swim, but not fly.

The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

Q is the only letter in the alphabet that does not appear in the name of any of the United States.

One quarter of the bones in your body are in your feet.

America once issued a 5-cent bill.

You'll eat about 35,000 cookies in your lifetime.

Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.

Babe Ruth wore a cabbage leaf under is cap to keep him cool. He changed it every 2 innings.

Fortune cookies were actually invented in America, in 1918, by Charles Jung.

A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.

A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.

Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

The pitches that Babe Ruth hit for his last-ever homerun and that Joe DiMaggio hit for his first-ever homerun where thrown by the same man.

Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

The praying mantis is the only insect that can turn its head.

In Tokyo, they sell toupees for dogs.

There are over 52.6 million dogs in the U.S.

Dogs and cats consume almost $7 billion worth of pet food a year.

Fingernails grow nearly 4 times faster than toenails.

Baby robins eat 14 feet of earthworms every day.

The Pentagon has twice as many restrooms as necessary. When it was built, segregation was still in place in Virginia, so separate restrooms for blacks and whites were required by law.

In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word.

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

In 2003, there were 86 days of below-freezing weather in Hell, Michigan.

The average person laughs 15 times a day.



My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Ed Furgol

Money can't buy you happiness... but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. - Henny Youngman

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up. - Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. - Herbert Henry Asquith


Dating Terms Explained

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.


Actual Statements Made During Job Interviews

"Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct."

"I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker."

"I never get hungry."

"I know who is responsible for most of my troubles."

"If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival."

"I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me."

"My legs are really hairy."

"I think I'm going to throw-up."

"At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking."

"I feel uneasy indoors."

"Sometimes I feel like smashing things."

"Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars."


Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, "Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. - Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher - Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx

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Famously Wrong Predictions

Theoretically, television may be feasible, but I consider it an impossibility--a development which we should waste little time dreaming about.
- Lee de Forest, 1926, inventor of the cathode ray tube

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
- Thomas J. Watson, 1943, Chairman of the Board of IBM

It doesn't matter what he does, he will never amount to anything.
- Albert Einstein's teacher to his father, 1895

It will be years - not in my time - before a woman will become Prime Minister.
- Margaret Thatcher, 1974

This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.
- Western Union internal memo, 1876

We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?
- H. M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927

640K ought to be enough for anybody.
- Bill Gates, 1981

Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
- Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.
- Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

We don't need you. You haven't got through college yet.
- Hewlett-Packard's rejection of Steve Jobs, who went on to found Apple Computers

King George II said in 1773 that the American colonies had little stomach for revolution.

An official of the White Star Line, speaking of the firm's newly built flagship, the Titanic, launched in 1912, declared that the ship was unsinkable.

In 1939 The New York Times said the problem of TV was that people had to glue their eyes to a screen, and that the average American wouldn't have time for it.

An English astronomy professor said in the early 19th century that air travel at high speed would be impossible because passengers would suffocate.

Airplanes are interesting toys, but they have no military value.
- Marshal Ferdinand Foch in 1911

With over 50 foreign cars already on sale here, the Japanese auto industry isn't likely to carve out a big slice of the U.S. market.
- Business Week, 1958

Whatever happens, the U.S. Navy is not going to be caught napping.
- Frank Knox, U.S. Secretary of the Navy, on December 4, 1941

Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.
- Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, October 16, 1929.

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